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Can't even

Can't even explain how excited I am for Harry Potter.

Premiere was amazing.

Writer's Block: Love stinks

Which song would you pick to describe your romantic life, and why?

All By Myself

I hate The Friend.

I hate his crooked teeth. I hate his indie kid haircut. I hate his knobby elbows. I hate those spattergroit shaped blotches across his face. I hate the way he sometimes looks directly at you when he speaks. I hate the way he sounds when he laughs.

'Whooooaaaa...your sex is on fire...'


Blaming the frisson.

I'm hurt. Confused. Feel like eating a giant tub of Ben and Jerry's. Not just because it's so yummy. Because...I'm upset.

Just realising that everything's in my head. The 'things' between me and The Friend was all in my head. I was so caught up in stupid stupid stupid stupid 'feelings' and 'frisson' during science camp and the days leading up to prom and then actual prom. And then the summer when I was so sure there'd be a way to accidentally bump into each other at Starbucks and fall in love over our matching caramel cream frappucinos with no cream And then after summer, when I went ot my girls school sixth form and he'd be going into town after school and I thought we'd meet and hang out and flirt. God, why am I so stupid?

I saw him today after school He didn't even look at me. I'm giving up.

They were meant to be anyway. He and that girl. Or that other girl. Whatever.


Laptop keyboard was out all summer so I couldn't write any personal stuff without the whole living room looking over my shoulder. But now, i's fixed!! Yayyy! Look at me, typing away... I feel awesome.
I'm blogging on LJ again!!!
I could search freely on Google later!!!
I can finish my stories!!!
I'm very happy at the moment.
Ooh, and just an interesting fact, I didn't enrol at c+i. My enrolment day was on the last day of enrolment week, so I didn't bother. I played it safe and enrolled at the local girls' school. I go to a girls' school now. Girls everywhere, lesbians among them. I'm not being stereotypical, I hear lesbian stories at my schoool every other day.
It's good there. I already had my best friend going there so all of her friends kinda had to be my friend. They're nice. Some girls are complete bitches, but I try to stay away from them, mostly. My classes are good. Most of the teachers are good. RS is a bit different to what I'd thought, but I can deal with it.
I just wish I'd tried to enrol at c+i though. It would've been good there, and now I'll be stuck wondering 'what if'. My friend went there and she's having a good time. She even met a guy she likes. I'm happy about that...kinda. I was gonna set her up with one of my friends. They would've been so good together...but ok.

Writer's Block: Something like that

What is the BIGGEST lie you've ever told?

That I was a Buddhist.

We were in a Religious Studies lesson and this REALLY annoying boy was smashing Buddhas on the table and making a huge amount of noise because he's a childish idiot. So me and my friends told him that I was a Buddhist and that he should stop disrespecting my religion.

I don't know if he still thinks I'm a Buddhist though...

Yesterday, I went to Underage Festival with some of my friends. Near the end, I couldn't find them so I left by myself, thinking that I could get home by myself easily. I was wrong and found out that I hated, despised, was completely terrified of getting lost.

Underage Festival was actually really good, except I was alone a lot for the two bands that I wanted to see. General Fiasco were really good except that I was trying to get right to the front and couldn't because these annoying girls were in the way, not dancing/cheering/jumping to General Fiasco's songs and were clearly just waiting for Daisy Dares You, who was on afterwards. I hate Daisy Dares You and I hate those girls who stopped me from getting closer to Owen ♥ and his awesome awesome band. The other band I wanted to see was near the end of the day, Family Force 5. I'd planned to just laugh at them but I found that I was actually crazy about them. They actually walked right past me and I didn't realise until they were entering the backstage area. I was trying to call my friend and then Family Force 5 walked past with vests with '5' on the back. I was completely starstruck. I managed to get right up front and was next to a bunch of girls who actually liked Family Force 5. I guess I didn't feel like talking, though. Family Force 5's set was amazing. With them, you didn't just get songs, you got an actual SHOW. They danced and jumped off the stage and got right near the audience. The bass player was about half a foot away from me. The singer put on Hulk hands to sing the last few songs. During their show, I actually considered giving up (on my dignity, on my beliefs, etc.) and becoming a scene kid. I almost did the crunk sign. Almost.

Afteer the show, I could've met the band. But I walked around for a bit, looking for my friends. I couldn't find them, so I sat down and read Sugar magazine. It was in a gift bag that I bought. Then when people started leaving, I started worrying a little bit. I walked around some more, then couldn't find them so I left. And the adventure began. I knew vaguely where to go. But I don't like vague directions, as I found out yesterday.

I got on a series of wrong buses and found myself in the middle of nowhere. Then I found the train station but it was closed. The main panic began. I left the station and started walking, not knowing where I was going. I stopped to ask someone if I could borrow their phone and they were hideously rude to me, treating me like a dangerous criminal. But they did let me talk, eventually. I called home and told them the train station was closed so I'd be home a lot later. My family think I went to a books convention. After this, I'm ashamed to say that I cried a bit, before getting a bus to Islington and going the regular route (from C+I college) home.

It was when I got to Islington that I felt relieved and happy. Maybe it's just because I've been there a few times. But it made me want to go to C+I even more.

Writer's Block: Supersize me

Have you ever boycotted a company or product? If so, what was it, and what caused you to boycott it?

I avoid La Senza. I had a dream that a blonde sales assistant at La Senza chased me down the street, tried to steal my bra and killed me. It wasn't a great dream.

What do I do now?

I need to get a job. I need somthing to do that will distract me from prblems. But how, how, HOW do I get a job? I've written my CV, re-written my CV and now I keep adding stuff. WHAT DO?? WHAT DO???

I'm actually waiting for my friend to finish writing her CV so we can go to Connexions together. Maybe I should just go without her. Does that seem bad?

And I keep thinking about The Friend. I haven't talked to him since prom. I really want to. I miss him. And when I think that, it makes me laugh. I don't know why, it's kind of ridiculous. But I just know that I really want to see him and talk to him and stuff.

And I'm trying to keep my mum from finding out that I'm doing summer work for City and Islington next year because she doesn't know that I'm still considering going there. It's all fun fun fun this summer.

Ok yes.

Yes I went to prom. And...dare I say it? I had a really good time. You might even say 'it was goood' like Summer Finn from 500 Days of Summer. Love that film. But yes, I had a great time at prom. I went with my friend who looked really pretty. I got my hair cut. I now have a full fringe and layers. I wore my purple dress and high heeled lace up boots. I wore eyeshadow. My friend was winning at Russian roulette until I dragged her away to get our pictures taken.

Another fun fact: I nearly set the school on fire with a lantern. But I think I can remember that, it doesn't need to be written.

So I got compliments and smiles about my outfit and my hair and make-up. I even got an 'I'm so proud of you' from one of the teachers and didn't know what she was on about. 'Proud'. I'm sure she meant well. I danced, I ate, I played games but -and I know it will sound ridiculously obsessive and a bit selfish- I didn't get to kiss The Friend. I really wanted to!! And now I sound like a whiny child who didn't get what she wanted for her birthday...

You know, I kind of blame one of my girl friends for this. We were dancing and then The Friend was dancing with us. Then she and I left to put our shoes in the corner because they were KILLING US. And then she just suddenly turns around to me and says. "Oh fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. SHIT! Fuck you fuck you fuck you...!" and I was heavily alarmed. What, did she suddenly get a case of Tourettes?

But no. Nononononono. She just suddenly started telling me about how (she used to date The Friend) it took her so long to get over The Friend and she'd only just been over him for a week or something and now she was starting to have feelings for him again. Then it was my turn to go "Oh fuck." but she thought I was just sympathising with her. Oh if only she knew how much I despised her.

She likes him again. She re-likes him. What the hell?!! You can't re-like someone. I used to have a huge crush on this gorgeous guy called Ryan. If he suddenly turned up in my life now, I wouldn't be all "I love you" all over again. GOD! 

I should've kissed him anyway. She hasn't been the nicest person: she borrows things- and then never gives them back. She's got two of my books and one of my favourite bracelets. I should've gotten all my confidence and just kissed The Friend right there and then when we were dancing to Sex On Fire by Kings Of Leon. Which, by the way, was the only rock song they played all night- and I didn't even like it. But I still should've kissed him. I really like him. He's so nice and sweet and funny. And I know that on some level he likes me. Who cares about the other girl who calls herself a friend?

I'm not being totally selfish.


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